Heavy Heart

A few days back, I was feeling so happy, but at the moment, a general feeling of gloom is surrounding me. I wish I could shake it off and get back to being happy since I am responsible for not just my happiness, but my family's as well. The biggest problem is that I am unable to pinpoint what exactly is causing the gloom.

I have tried different ways to shake off this feeling, but nothing seems to work. I know that Ms Positive's loss is affecting me a lot, but there seems to be something else as well. I dont deal very well with heat and the temperatures are soring here. That makes me physically weaker and makes the whole situation worse.

I need more pranayam and meditation time and I badly need to read an inspiring book. But more than anything else, I guess I need to accept any TLC that comes my way.

Loss

The loss of a dear one is always a devastating experience, but when one knows that the person has lived a long fulfilled life, it does give some degree of comfort. When one loses an unborn child, it leaves one feeling perplexed, clueless and helpless along with the grief that comes with a loss. I think almost all mothers also feel some degree of guilt if they lose an unborn child. I have experienced this loss in my first pregnancy and although it was towards the end of first trimester, it left me completely devastated. It took me a long time to get back to some semblance of normalcy. Even today, after I have had Sunshine, sometimes I wonder what went wrong, what could have been and what could I do differently.

My dear friend, Ms Positive is going through the loss now and for the second time in her young life. She is fluctuating between several emotions, but she is still trying to keep it together and make it as bearable as possible for her and her family. She is taking help and strength from her friends, but at times, she loses trust in herself as this is happening the second time. She is questioning herself and her actions in life and priorities.

Although I know that a strong and positive person like her will eventually come out of this, it saddens me immensely that a good soul like her has to go through this. I guess no one has answers to why bad things happen to good people. At the moment, I am just hoping and praying that she gets the strength to go through her pain and comes out of it without losing her spirit. The only saving grace at the moment is her sweet little child. 

Family Time

Family is visiting next week - my mother in law, father in law and DH's grandmother. Sunshine is eagerly waiting for his grandparents to arrive and is busy making plans for summer. His grandparents will be with us for 3 months and DH's grandmother for a week.

DH's grandma is one of the most loving, positive and open minded people I have ever met. Just being around her makes me feel loved and makes me want to be a better person. Despite her advanced age, she is always eager to travel around the world and meet her family. She likes to have fun and doesn't let the aches and pains that come with age, stop her. She smiles all the time and her embrace is healing and uplifting. One week feels too short.

We have been trying to find a house to move to before their visit, but unfortunately nothing worked out. With a growing Sunshine and me working from home most of the time, our 2 bedroom apartment is increasingly feeling smaller. I am sure there is the perfect little house or apartment waiting for us somewhere; we just haven't come across it yet.

At the moment, I am reading Illusions:  The adventures of a reluctant messiah by Robert Bach. It was recommended by a friend from school. He said it is not an easy read and it takes time to digest the ideas in the book, but I find it surprisingly easy to read it and accept it as well. I am immensely influenced by the books that I read. So I am happy I am reading this book as it seems to put me in a happy state of mind.

A new era in Indian politics

DH got up in the morning and eagerly switched on the TV to see who has won the parliament elections in India. As one can expect of anything and everything that happens in India, the multiphase elections and the campaigning was full of drama, colour, sound bytes and sensationalism. The results seem to indicate an unprecedented and resounding victory for BJP and its allies while the incumbent Congress party and their allies as well as most of the unaligned regional parties have faced a washout.

The post election hullabaloo is as entertaining as it was leading up to the elections. In a few days, a new government will be formed and new ministers will be appointed. At the moment, all that is clear that Mr Narendra Modi will be the next prime minister of India. People of India have given a clear message - they are fed up of the status quo and they want change. Since BJP led NDA has got more than simple majority, they are in a position to turn around the country. I hope they succeed. The stock exchanges in India seem to believe that they will deliver on their promises. They have reached historical levels and the rupee is also strengthening by the minute. 

A nation of 1.2 billion people are now looking up to Mr Narendra Modi and his party to make their country achieve its true potential. They hope that the new government will give them a chance at a better life. Several years back, the Congress party was the face of hope. After delivering a few years of growth, things started looking bleak with rising inflation and slowing growth.

A lot of things need to be fixed and the new government is going to be weighed under high expectations. We need to urgently tackle the infrastructure situation. The corruption that is eating away at the foundation of our very society needs to be eliminated. We need investment, jobs, roads, trains, growth, safety; the list is very long. But today, I also feel hopeful like most people in India. New energy will come with the new faces and atleast for a while we can expect lot of positive things for India.

Book Release

I love books and I came across an amazing author Kirstey Moseley on Wattpad. She is now a published author and her new book Enjoying the Chase is being released today. It is a sequel to the book Nothing Left to Lose, but it can be enjoyed even without reading the first book. Now, more about the release.

Title: Enjoying the Chase
Author: Kirsty Moseley
Release Date: 25^th March 2013
Cover Design: https:// www.facebook.com/mjwilsondesign1
Tour Host: All Things Books (http:/ /all-things-books.com )
Goodreads Link: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/20639678-enjoying-the-chase

Book Description: Nate Peters is living the playboy life. He has great friends, a great job, no responsibilities, no girlfriend, and he loves it. Nate, being incredibly skilled with a pick-up line, has never failed to get a girl in his life… until one day he meets Rosie York. Rosie is completely uninterested in him. Being unable to stand a dented ego, Nate makes it his mission to win her over. Not used to putting in much effort, Nate is surprisingly enjoying the chase of this off-limits little brunette. Maybe he has finally met his match… But Rosie has a few surprises of her own which will make it remarkably more difficult for him to get close to her.
*Please note that this is a companion novel to Nothing Left to Lose*
The Author My name is Kirsty. I was born in Hertfordshire, England. In 2000 I moved to Norfolk, it was there that I met my husband, Lee. Now, what can I say about Lee, apart from everyone should have one? He's my biggest supporter, and I wouldn't be where I am today without his encouragement and endless support. He is my inspiration behind most of my male leads, I always try to bring a little of him in somewhere, be it his kindness, selflessness, or just his ability to make me feel treasured. In 2005, I was gifted with the birth of my son. He is, and always will be, the best thing I have ever done in my life. As you can probably tell, I'm a very proud mummy. I have always been interested in writing, but after the birth of my son I accidentally came across an amateur writing site. After a couple of months of just reading on there, I finally plucked up the courage and posted one of my stories. I was shocked and overwhelmed by the support of readers on there and they gave me the confidence to get where I am today. In April 2012, I self-published my first novel ‘The Boy Who Sneaks in my Bedroom Window’. And in October 2012 I took the plunge again, publishing my second novel, 'Always You.' Lastly, if I had to sum myself up in one word, it would probably be ‘daydreamer’ – but unlike most of my school teachers, I don’t necessarily view that as a bad thing. After all, I read somewhere once that books are like waking dreams….
Where to find Kirsty:
Website | Facebook | Twitter | Goodreads
Buy Links Enjoying the Chase
Amazon US | Amazon UK | iBooks (Global) | B&N | Nook US | Nook UK | iBooks

Tour Host

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Fun and frolic

It was a Wednesday again and it was time for our play date. All the amazing ladies turned up with their little ones and soon, Sunshine herded them all to his room and left the mamas alone to chat and gossip. I feel so blessed to have these Wednesday afternoons with these lovely ladies because it is such a great stress buster. Like my dear friend Ms Positive described it, our Wednesday afternoons are loud, crazy and full of fun.

This week, my neighbour also joined us with her kid and she had just come back from a couple of months in India. Somehow we started talking about which is a better place for us to live - India or Germany. We all miss India for sure, but we also like a lot of things about life in Germany. We analysed, reasoned, theorised and came to no conclusion whatsoever. We are all human after all and we would like our German salaries, infrastructure, the cleaner air, law and order with our families and friends, celebrate life itself like in India, the spontaneity, the warmth, friendliness and make a new world for ourselves. Since we do not know of such a place yet and it is not within our power to create such a place, I guess we are enjoying a slice of such a life on Wednesday afternoons.

Holi is coming up and we could not find any colours in the Indian stores in Heidelberg. Fortunately, I managed to find some in Frankfurt, although they were ridiculously expensive. Now, all we have to do is go wild and smear everyone with colour on Monday. Holi hai...

The scarf

It is glorious in our region this week with lots of sunshine and nice spring weather overall. On Sunday, Sunshine, DH and I decided to cycle around a little. I have a collection of scarves and stoles which I rarely use. Since it was really sunny, I decided to tie my hair in a pretty fuchsia scarf. After cycling a little while, I pulled the end of the scarf over my nose and mouth because the sun was really strong and I don't use sunscreen as I am allergic to most of them. That is when the weirdness started.

Before I decided to pull the scarf across my face, I got a couple of curious looks from people who were cycling or walking and even some nods or 'hellos', but after, I got a lot of dropped jaws and strange looks. A bunch of men who probably took cycling very seriously by the looks of their cycles, their outfits and shoes, actually heckled me about the scarf. DH was a little ahead when that happened and Sunshine was on a child seat on his cycle. After that, he asked me to stay close to him and avoid such unpleasant experiences.

I am not a Muslim or a hijab wearer, but I believe I got some first hand experience of the prejudice some women have to face for the choice of attire that they make. I used the scarf only as a environment friendly sun block and I am determined to continue to use it despite the not so pleasant experience.

And I should mention that every time things happen that make me lose a little faith in humanity, something good happens immediately after, to restore it. On our way back, we were lost and asked directions to an older couple who accompanied us all the way back, talked a lot to us and tried to fool around with Sunshine. They saw the same scarf that everybody else saw, but that didn't stop them from being so friendly.